Sometimes (always) I think my parents think I married up. Truthfully, I think my parents are a little bit afraid that if I don’t behave better I might drive Kris away. Honest truth? I know I married up. Really honest truth? I pray constantly that God would help me behave better because I desire to be the wife that Kris deserves. My husband is the best person that I know.
With that said. I messed up and I owe a big apology to the love of my life. And what’s a more appropriate time to do it then on Marriage Monday?
Yesterday, I preached at church. If you want, you can listen to the sermon here. It was all going fine and well until I looked down and realized Kris was on his phone. Somehow I forgot where I was and shouted from the pulpit (yes, I really did…and pointed) “You’re on your phone!” Then it just went downhill from there. As soon as I said it I wanted to slap my hand over my mouth… But it was too late. It was out there. And while it was pretty funny and everybody got a good laugh… I still need to apologize for a few reasons.
1. Even though my husband in no way asked for an apology (in fact, he laughed about it) I would never want my actions to cause anybody to lose respect for my husband and I fear that some people have judged my husband because of my actions. That does not sit well with me.
2. He was only on his phone because he remembered about a very time sensitive prayer request that he had been asked to give the congregation and he was pulling it up in his e-mail so he wouldn’t forget to share it.
3. Sometimes he is on his phone during the service to read along with the Scripture. (We both do this and both have the Bible on our phone.)
4. Even if none of the above were true: I would still give him a free pass because he heard my sermon a billion times before I actually preached it and probably could have gotten up and preached it himself. I give him props for sitting in the front row during both services and listening to it two more times when he could have been doing anything else.
So with all that…
Dear Kris, my best friend, the love of my life,
I have a very big mouth. I write about it sometimes…but sometimes I think people don’t believe me. I know we joke around a lot and laugh with (and sometimes at) each other. I love that we can be funny together, poke fun at each other and tease each other, but I am truly sorry for my big mouth… especially when it hurts you. I am sorry when I speak too quickly or rashly or when I say hurtful things.
I want you to know that I respect you more than any man in the entire world. I so appreciate your love for me and for our family. I appreciate every sacrifice you have made in your life for us from little things like making dinners to big things like following God and leaving everything (except me) behind to do what he has called you to do. I appreciate you sitting in the front row at church and cheering me on. I know you don’t have to sit there; I know you have already listened to my sermon numerous times throughout the week. I know many men would feel intimidated by a wife who shared the same job as them. I am so so so so so thankful for you. I am so thankful for your encouragement of me as a pastor, for your encouragement of me as a woman and a mom. I am so thankful for your encouragement of my gifts and my talents. I love that you listen to me throughout the week, but still show full support of me on Sunday morning. I am more than blessed to be your wife. I can’t help but think how lucky and blessed Anastasia is to have you as her dad. And by the way, you are already a fantastic dad to her.
I’m sorry that I made a joke at your expense in front of the entire church. I got carried away and I was wrong.
Even so, thank you for laughing at my joke. See, stuff like this makes you even better and me feel even worse! Thank you for not holding it over me. Thank you for forgiving me when I open my big fat yap and say stupid stuff.
The one who still (and always will) admires you.