I’ve been using the word “baby” a lot lately. Not in reference to Anastasia. Just randomly, like in my title. I’ve been calling everybody/everything “baby”… why? I have no idea. I’m gonna keep rolling with it though. Why not, baby?!? I’m gonna see where it takes me.
Anyway, I wanted to do a Marriage Monday post. I was totally going to come on here and humble brag about how I was the best wife ever because I joined my husband’s fantasy football league – even though I don’t care about football at all. Like, at all. My friend told me that I should pretend my players were cats so I could get more into it.
How sad is it that I am THAT into cats? Continuing on, I really wanted to actually brag about the fact that this is the second time I am in a league with my husband (because, obviously, I rule), and back in 2009… yup, you’re looking at her, WORLD FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE CHAMP FOREVER, BABY! That’s right. I won the league with absolutely no knowledge about football. Disclaimer: The only thing I did in that league was pick my team name and design a helmet…Kris may have completely and 100% made every decision regarding football for my team. Anyway, then I wanted to lament that my team this year is the worst. And I’ll be honest, my attitude doesn’t help. When the boys don’t score me points, I may or may not yell at my phone and tell them they are dead to me. Then I may or may not try and boot them off my team as a punishment, and Kris may or may not have to go back on and reverse my decisions because, apparently, “That is a bad choice sweetie.” I’ll be honest: I really just wanted to write a Marriage Monday post about my fantasy football team because I want everybody in the world (THE WORLD) to know how awful my team is and how unfair my games have been. They make me so mad I want to unstuff a scarecrow. I may or may not have told Kris that I wanted to break the horn off a rhinoceros the other day, to which he told me, “What is wrong with you? You can’t say stuff like that.” My deepest apologies, honey, to you and the rhino in my mind. I AM SO OUT OF CONTROL and I’ve wasted space talking about fantasy football because I guess a big little part of me wants to still make this post all about my team. Ugh. Just know, fantasy football is so unfair, and it hates me. Thank you for letting me get that out.
So this was going to be my post, but then I prayed about it and, apparently, God doesn’t care about fantasy football… or at least my team anyway. Instead I got a big ol’ case of the convictions.
Basically the conversation went something like this (paraphrased):
Me: God, I LOVE you!
God: Here, read this story in the Bible about how the disciples followed Jesus. Do you know when they decided to follow Jesus, they were making a commitment to act just like Jesus?
Me: I LOVE JESUS!
God: You say that a lot, how are you doing acting just…like…Jesus?
Well, I just said I would break a rhino horn so on a scale of 1 to 10…4 or 5?
God: I think you treat me like a buffet table sometimes.
Me: Here we go…
I’ll stop the conversation there, but here’s what I felt like God was saying. I love talking about God, I love talking about Jesus… but sometimes I really love picking and choosing how I’m actually going to act like Jesus. I’m not talking about anything huge here. I don’t secretly thrash peoples’ houses or light things on fire or run an underground drug operation. I’m talking about the little things: submitting myself to Jesus in the morning and walking in obedience throughout the day. Basing my actions on His word rather than what I want in the moment. He’s sometimes a buffet table to me. I pick and choose.
You’ll have to read my private journal to get more of that story, but not really because I have an irrational fear that one day I’ll die suddenly and people will find/read my private journals and laugh at me…so I always write journals and then throw them in the garbage.
Eventually, the thought got around to that if I’m treating God like a buffet table, maybe I’m treating Kris like one, too. I did some quick evaluations, and I realized, yup, Kris is apparently my Golden Corral. Maybe you can relate? Why is it so easy to pick and choose how we are going to treat our spouses based on what we are feeling or want in the moment? We choose when to be loving, we choose when to be encouraging, we choose when to snap, we choose when to speak rudely and when to really let them have it. (Maybe this extends past our spouses?) Obedience to Jesus starts at the beginning of each day and is a day of continually looking at our lives and asking, “God, am I truly honoring you in this moment?” I believe it must be the same with our spouses. Each day must start with a standard of honor. Today, I honor you, not based on my feelings, not based on your feelings, not based on what you do, but based on who you are. I, your spouse, honor you for who you are, my spouse. That is my standard.
My prayer this morning:
Lord, let me not be a person who makes you and others my personal buffet table. Forgive me for picking and choosing how I acted when instead I should have created a standard based on who you are and who they are. Give me strength to live and act according to the standard you desire. I love you, Jesus. Amen.